1- Everyone is doing their best in life
We expect everyone to share our beliefs, thoughts and behaviour
Being a human being requires you to make your own choices
When people complain or moan understand that it’s NEVER about US and it isn’t personal (it just feels like it)
Its ALWAYS about the other person and they’re trying their best to feel better
And that’s their job… some people just don’t know any other way than to criticise and judge etc
And that’s okay
Just as our priority is self-care of the body and mind, this is theirs
Once you stop assuming why people do things, guessing what they’re thinking and questioning their motives
Everything is alright
2- I am not my thoughts
We’re not in control of the thoughts that show up in our minds
But we ARE in control of which ones we choose to believe and the assumptions we make
And the root of ALL OF OUR SUFFERING?
Arguing mentally with reality
Known as the monkey mind in meditation
3- Life happens FOR us not TO us – Gabor Mate
It kind of fits in with the above, but I am either a VICTIM to my circumstances or I am a WARRIOR of my circumstances
Take the attitude of ‘everything happens to me than for my growth’
Life is about growth and contribution
And that sometimes growth is uncomfortable and painful
But in the end? If I can understand that nothing happens to me and that everything happens for my growth, I can give more
Then life feels better. Challenging, but better
And it certainly shifts me out of playing
And therefore, behaving like a victim
4 – The way we feel is ALWAYS temporary… and we can CHANGE the way we feel and the emotions we are experiencing in an INSTANT
I am responsible for my reaction towards any situation. If I am blaming other people for the way I am feeling. I am giving my power away, so I become powerless instead of powerful
Pointing the finger at others means there are three pointing back at us
Remember everyone is doing their best with information they have and where they are
But essentially, armed with the right tools in my toolbox, knowledge and strategy, I’m able to influence and impact my state and emotions
We must acknowledge about what goes in your mouth, in your eyes and in your ears
It all impacts how you feel
You can’t put diesel in a petrol engine and expect to feel good
ELITE level self-care MUST be a priority. Nothing else really matters
And it starts with a WILLINGNESS
5- I have the life and body I’m willing to put up with
The only time you can ever change your situation and your reality? Is when you REFUSE to be willing to put up with it and BECOME willing to do what’s required to change it
If you aren’t willing to do the work, then by default you’re willing to stay the same
Doesn’t matter if it’s with money, your marriage, your body, your job or your mindset
This is why expecting family and friends to change to your standards is not realistic
The pain has to be big enough for them to say, I’ve had enough, I am going to make better choices in order to get better results.
6- Who you hang out with and your environment MATTERS
You will always adjust to your peer group, family and work group around you
This is because it is easier to people please rather than step out and do your own direction
Being around people who push you inspire you, encourage you, call you out on your excuses and keep you accountable beats hanging out with moaners, whiners, people that that are still playing the same story they were two years ago (they’re doing their best, though… Remember)
You can’t always be around positive people
But you can certainly choose who’s in your circle and WHERE you hang out
Human beings are designed to be in tribes and community and function best that way so get around people.
7 – My happiness is MY responsibility
NOT my partners, not my parents, not my clients, not my boss, not my work……..
ME and me alone are responsible for my choices and reaction, as soon we realise that.. we can take back our power AND lessen the burden on them
BONUS: If you don’t know WHEN you’re happy or when you feel happy
You’ll always struggle
Make a list and do more of those things
Man, I could write a book, in-fact that’s my next job
Pay more attention tomorrow, listen more….active listening…..
Make eye contact when you’re in conversation
Put your phone down
Love and light
Paul Mort communications
Paul Chek
‘Non violent communication’ – Marshal Rosenberg