Did you know that we actually learn more from problems, than the rosy things in life?
My biggest breakthrough in dealing with myself first and people over the last 30 years is that there is no such thing as negative people, just negative thoughts about people!
You see we all expect us from everyone else, don’t we?
Example 1
I will give you an example, a lady complained about a one liner email used in marketing. It said: “I have three places left this Wednesday at 7.30pm?”
She said she was disappointed in my responses and the way the corporation handled its emails.
But let’s look at a different way, the lovely lady’s expectation where not in line with the way she would market or answer emails. There is no negativity at all.
We have to be kind to each other.
I notice everyone has the balls to be nasty on social media or in email but never face to face. When we blame other’s we are not taking responsibility for our perception, emotions or response.
Our customer services is outstanding, she was offered a freebie class which she refused.
I also want to treat others the way I would like to be treated myself.
You never know what is going on in people’s private and personal life.
Example 2
A physiotherapist complained about the advertising of ‘Pilates for breast cancer course”.
He felt it was taking advantage of vulnerable women.
So before jumping to conclusion, I have to ask myself has he lost a loved one due to breast cancer?
We are only triggered when our physiology is low.
Everyone tells me that their boss, friend, partner or family are negative. But what if there is no such thing as negative people, but just traits. As soon as we point the finger at one person, there are three pointing back at us.
The things that we see and hate in others are always a reflection of things inside of us that need to healed.
Here is an exercise for you: Write down the traits that you dislike in your mother and father on a piece of paper. They are probably in your partner and they are probably traits that you need to work on yourself. Remember the traits we resent in others are mirrors of ourselves (shadow work – Carl Jung). People can only let us down when we put them on a pedestal.
If you want to live a life that you love, you’ve got to love people and most importantly, you have got to love yourself. The way we deal with the outside world is always a reflection of the inside world. If you cannot find self-love and a deeper connection to your unconscious 95%, you will never rise beyond the opinion of yourself. We all have the skills to deal with any kind of person. If you want more energy, you have got to get used to dealing and being around people with all different traits.
| Negative | Confrontational | Critical | Nosey |
| Cheats | Loud | Opinionated | Aggressive |
| Unsupportive | Obnoxious | Victims | Gossips |
| Arrogant | Selfish | Needy | Narrow minded |
You can cut out all the negative people you like, but you still have to think about your personal thoughts about yourself and your thoughts about others. If you want to get better in life, you have got to get better with dealing with people. It is your choice to be impacted by others. Is it what people think OR what you think other people think?
Get a handle of your perception, reaction and judgements and you will free up space to pursue and put energy into where it’s needed. Handle your physiology and you can handle anything. Your physiology is your state (rituals – journaling, exercise, nutrition, breath-work, sleep, mindset).
Our perception is that everyone should behave, think and be like us, but we are all individual….
Client at studio: “I am not a people person”. The reality is that everything starts with us. Byron Katie does the most transformative work ever. Our thoughts, feelings and emotion will affect our body.
Dr Bruce Lipton was laughed at years ago, but now the evidence prevails:
“In a plastic tissue culture dish, the composition of the growth medium (environment) controls the fate of the cells. The human body, is by definition, a “skin-covered culture dish” containing ~50,000,000,000,0000 (fifty trillion) cells. The cells are maintained by a culture medium … popularly known as blood. The chemical composition of the blood is the equivalent of the culture medium used in the plastic culture dishes. Changing the composition of the blood’s chemistry is the same as changing a culture’s growth medium. The brain is the regulatory organ that regulates and maintains the chemical composition of the blood. The brain’s control of the blood’s chemistry is linked to our perceptions (mind) and emotions (reflecting chemical signals in the blood). When you have a perception of love, the brain releases oxytocin (love hormone that regulates body’s metabolism and supports growth), serotonin and growth hormone, ALL chemicals that when added to cells in a culture dish will enhance growth and health of the cells. In contrast when a person is in fear, their brain releases stress hormones (cortisol, norepinephrine and histamine) that shut down a cell’s growth processes and inhibits the immune system, which happens to be completely unsustainable for life.” Dr.Bruce Lipton
Where are we physically in our health and what environment are we in?
Most of us get triggered by other people when our energy is low.
Repetition is the mother of all skill.
Once we have the skills in our toolbox, we have a better ability to deal with people in our life.
Our expectations of others are similar to our perception. The cause of most of our disappointments with others is that they don’t match our expectations or our behaviour. As a consequence, we then experience pain, suffering, anger, resentment, bitterness, sadness, guilt and so on.
This is not about accepting the persons behaviour or what they have done.
This is showing where their limitations are on their behaviour and development.
We want everyone to be wrong and us to be right. The ultimate choice is to put out the fire.
By this I mean that when a difficult comment is fired your way, you try your hardest to answer in kind: thank-you.
Can you also only see the downsides of the behaviour?? (self-enquiry)
What if there are no negative or positive traits but just traits??
People’s behaviour represents their:
- Awareness
- Perception
- Limitations
People always show how they are dealing with life, not how they should or how we want them too. When we resent people, we only see the downside. If people push your button, accept them, but not the behaviour.
If you block everyone from your life, you will never develop empathy and compassion. Remember everyone is bringing us some sort of gift of learning, no matter how painful this is to read.
If you want to live an elite level life, you need to be doing elite level self-care. You cannot impact others unless you are working on yourself.
Bibliography
Paul Mort – Inner circle
Paul Chek podcasts
Dr.Bruce Lipton
Nisha #difficultNegativepeopleprovideopportunities
DM me your email and cell if you are ready to invest in yourself and rise from judgement!
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